The quitter

 The quitter

            Last year I joined a company. I don't want to mention the name but when I gave the interview it looked so much pleasant and welcomed me wholeheartedly. At least that is what I thought but as I started my work, things changed drastically. I started feeling like being targeted for no reason at all. Unnecessary meetings, unnecessary work being put on me, unnecessary things said behind me and in front of me which they don't even know what happened. All the things they did were unnecessary. The funny part is that I went to that company because my friend was working there, and I could get used to the environment a lot better. 

Before joining that company, I had been jobless for almost 2 years. It was the turning point in my life, and I wanted to make that happen, so I did everything that they told me to do. At any cost, I did not want to quit. Also, it was the career-building position where I was designated but because of some reasons, they wanted me to quit. And I did too. It felt like hell but suffered it for almost 3 months. 

In the first month, everything looked good. Yes, the unnecessary stuff was going around but I thought as a trainee they would test me before truly giving me work. So, I ignored everything that they tried to do. 

In the second month, it started feeling heavy and unnecessary. They would make me feel guilty every single day. But again, a desperate middle-class guy would never give up so easily and that is what I did. Every day felt like hell but in the morning, I would dress up and leave my place for work just thinking maybe this day would have some change. But it did not. The torture increased. If they had given me more work and told me to do extra work, I would have worked without any hesitation but what they did was way cheaper things. They started doing character assassination. You guys might be thinking why would they do that to me? Yes, the same questions were running in my mind. Why? That too using women. What did they want? At some point, I even cried in the office that too at a time of some function. I directly asked my VP what was going on why am I being targeted and if there anything that I could do. But they never said anything directly. It went on to the extent that they started doing unnecessary things even in the place where I was staying. Yes, I know you guys might think I have gone mad. Even my family would not believe this if I told them. They would also say the same thing. 

In the third month, it was too heavy for a man to handle. I did not have the peace to work. In PG I was not getting sleep. The people in the PG started acting unordinary like making noises at the time when I was asleep. They intentionally said stuff that they did not even know what had happened in my life. Yes, it might feel like I may have lost my mind. It was just me thinking it was said to me but when a person's history is being repeatedly brought in surround you so that you give attention and get distracted. Is that all normal? Intentionally creating unnecessary drama around you. Is that normal?

In the second month itself, I told them what I was going through. The day I cried was the day I told them about my problems. I was lately acting paranoid and I feel everyone's talking about me when I am in a crowd. And guess what they did next? They used it against me. Again, I may sound lunatic, but I don't have the proof to show you. Yes, one day I recorded some audio but it had nothing. In PG it was chaotic. I am a person who enjoys my own company. I was like that there too. Whatever is said and done is done. I know, but was it necessary? If they had a problem with me about anything they could have come directly to me and said, I would have tried to tell them my side of the story. Even if they wanted me to leave the job, I would have resigned but they wanted to frame me on something and wanted me to quit.

Why am I writing it down now after 4 months, I want to let them know if they read this what they have done to me. All my colleagues came from a good family means a well financially balanced family but what about me? Did they think for one moment what would happen to my life when they thought of doing unnecessary things? Why do I keep saying unnecessary things they all were never in my shoes when I suffered or what situations I have gone through. Just being there gossiping about some person, passing on comments, and doing cheap things to bring someone down is I think they don't even deserve my hate. Those incidents remained as a trauma in my mind, and they killed my happiness and made me hurt my loved ones. Before joining that company, I had trauma and was getting better but after that encounter, I felt I could never be normal again. Even if they tortured me physically, I would have never said anything or felt any hurt but the mental traumas you go through are the worst ones believe me. 

Whatever happened, happened. Whatever is done is done but can they give back the normal life that they took from me? Never. I have become more paranoid, more insecure, and more mentally ill and I am not here writing because I need help but to send them a message about what they did to a guy who had no business with anyone of that company. The guy just wanted to work and make a life for himself and his family.

Today, I sit in my house doubting myself on every step I take. Questioning my own abilities. Fear of being judged. And taking the tag of quitter every day where I have done nothing wrong to be treated the way they treated me.

 Despite all of this I would not give up. Yes, the thought of giving up had crossed my mind but I will not. I will work with whatever materials I have and make those things work out in my favor. This is a story for the people who are on the verge of giving up. Trust me never give up. Yes, it feels like shit every single day but believe me, you will thank yourself when you reach the top. I, myself am on the journey to the top. I know not getting to that anytime soon but what I can do is 'Work' towards it and everything else just let it be. The pain, the hurt, the humiliation, the fear, everything that hurled you to down let it be there and build a thing out of those things. 

"The quitter never quits always because he was unworthy maybe sometimes his side of the story may tell you that he is a warrior who had just lost a battle."

- Prajwal Gowda